Meine Oma Elfriede

I remember raspberry bushes in her garden.  Sitting at the side of a long row of bushes picking them one by one and swallowing them without abandon.

Did I wash them?  Fuck no.  They were organic, minus pesticides, and attached to a bush that belonged to my Oma's garden.

I chowed the fuck down.

I don't know why I put that part in.  It was just a fond memory I had of being in Germany and at my Oma's house.

She IS a savage.  In the best representation of the term.  She lived through a war, Hitler, interracial relationships for her daughter in the 70's, an alcoholic brother and his subsequent alzheimers.

Yet she always kissed me.  Every night.

Family is ridiculosly important she would say. I took that feeling from her and still hold onto it this day.

Who cares that her idea of family time is boring as fuck.  2hrs every night just talking about your day after a meal was important to her.  Her thought of family and friends is an interpration that I adapted to how I treat mine to this day.

Do NOT get me started on her recipes and her personality.

Her recipes. Her snide comments. Her need to gossip about other people in the family.  The year I didnt speak with my mother and her bringing my mum and I together.

My Oma.

She hasn't been my only Oma.  But as far as I am concerned.

She is the only one who, to me, counts more than my breath.

Ich habe dich so lieb, meine Oma

Meet Phillip

I stepped into a bar the other night...  a random one that I fell upon because I fell asleep on the train and overshot my stop.,,  I only went in to use the phone.  If you are reading this blog you know how I feel about cellphones.  Fuck them.

It was a country bar.  Oh the hilarity.. but i'm like a chameleon.  I totally fit in.

So here I am a lone negro, (YokoNegro),  in a country bar full of people with shit kickers on and wearing cowboy hats made of..  and I shit you not..  recycled Coors light 12pk cartons.

I only stopped to use the phone yet for some odd masochistic reason..  I felt the need to stay,  listen to shitty music,  watch pretty white bitches who CANNOT dance hop around,  and torment my ulcer with a beer.

I grinned the whole time.

The things I do for my blog.

I'm immature

Now don't get me wrong..  I know I am.. in most things.. I laugh at poop humor and love push-pops..  but I'm a decent enough fella...  I'm the sort to not hold back from giving an apology when one is deserved or to even acquiesce one when it isn't.

I'm "that" guy.

That being said..  allow me to offer you a recent series of events that happened in my life.. in their most base form.

Boy meets Girl
Boy likes Girl
Girl likes Boy
Girl lies to Boy
Boy is upset
Girl gives promise to Boy
Boy forgives Girl
Boy again likes Girl
Girl again lies to Boy
Boy again becomes upset
Girl pleads with Boy
Girl gives promises to Boy
Boy forgives Girl
Boy loves Girl
Girl ONCE AGAIN lies to Boy
Boy begins to notice the pattern
Boy walks away from Girl
Girl pleads with Boy
Boy isn't having it anymore
Girl says to Boy;

"You are being pretty immature. I have apologized over and over again. I said I'd do anything to gain your trust again. But you just want to be stubborn and give up on us.. You claimed to love me. Well, I don't think you ever loved me... Not if you could put me down so easily."

Boy sure could use a Push Pop now.

I prefer strawberry

My blog title is due to my jelly.

Get it?   Not just yet, but you will.. 

I wish i knew how to write.  I mean, other than the spelling part, cuz i got that down..   (caps and grammar too)

its just that i  have a couple of friends that vomit thought to paper.. seemlessly, effortlessly,and  annoyingly ohso well!  ... Whatever the fuck. It happens and i'm jealous.  I've never told them as much.. but its true.

I wish i knew how to write like that.

Why do I gravitate to people who rule?  It sucks so much for me to see them so effortlessly put their words visible. Their good words, words better than what I could ever come up with.

If they ever tell me that they just write and post minus review and editing..  I will kill myself.  I mean, seriously..  

Thats just too good to be natural... 

I read certain lines written and repeat them to myself... OMFG!

Brilliance!

Whatever the fuck.. im more present than I am permanent.. im quick to give a snarky response or a quick joke.. its true.. Jeopardy challenge me on art or poetry, i dare you.

I will win.  No one can outschool me on the likes of Whitman, Gogh, Nerudo, Hughes, Davis, Breton, Vandross, etc, etc.. 

But on original thought.. and prose.. and something said that will last a lifetime..  I bow before you.

You can write really gud.

-

Blogs be a-crumblin (please sing along)

The tide is high
I've never been so low
You got room to grow

You can never look up
You can't ever look down
You get kicked around

But They built it with sand
And They built it with rock
They built it with all of the
Things that I'm not
And I watch from the hill
As it burns to the ground
I can still see the smoke
From my train out of town

Everything They blog is breaking down
Everything They blog is breaking down

I close my eyes
Scared of what I saw
Are you mad at all?
Been an open book
Been a slamming door
Apple of the trojan war

But They built it with sand
And They built it with rock
They built it with all of the
Things that I'm not
And I watch from the hill
As it burns to the ground
I can still see the smoke
From my train out of town

Everything They blog is breaking down
Everything They blog is breaking down

Drink a little bit
Dance a little bit
Take a chance
I lose it all
I have no remorse no regrets
When I'm hanging from
This seventeenth floor

The tide is high
Never been so low
You got room to grow

Everything They blog is breaking down
Everything They blog is breaking down

P.S. If tumblr goes away I am murdering EVERYBODY!

I love stuff like this

I took the train home today and saw the following..   I know its not my normal type of blog post but I thought I'd share nonetheless

Racial Identity

I'm brown.  If you read this blog you know I am and I peacock that fact.

You also know I'm not really prone to care about ethnicity.

My bestfriends are an Islander, a WelshBob, and a Latina.

I also want to crush all kinds of ethnic vagina, so honestly, who cares?

My mum is so white she cant pronounce my name correctly.  With her thick German accent and her awesome cooking.

My dad is so Afro-Cubano he scared most people into crossing the other side of the street when he walked down a sidewalk.

Fuck you, if you think it matters.

Bob Marley was also bi-racial.

Enuff said.

Stir it up.  I am in good company.

Apathy vs Content

I had an idea today to list, in this blog, every friend I could remember since birth.

I did a similar list once, but with vagina.  I hit my max of 23.  (i crush mad vagina)

With friends its a bit different.

I'm a really charming chap so I got to about 4th grade and then threw my hands up.

Fuck this shit.  I've had a lot of friends in my life.


I gave up said reflection.

Who cares anyways?  I have Kina and Bob and those few others... they know who they are..

My Apathy for this is valid.


I have all the friends i'll ever need.

OCD

I've never been shy, yet lately I have been.


Case in point, I met the love of my life at the train station earlier today.

Mind you, she has no idea I exist.

She's a short latina bitch who was so casual in her appearance it made my dick hard.
(she wore pj pants in public)

I wasn't pervy, ok I was, but still.. I wasnt overt or rude about it.

I just saw my ideal female out in public and I reacted.  Sue me.


-fast forwards to 5 minutes later-

We get on the train and the following ensues...

She picks the seat in front of me to sit on in the train.

I see her.

And because of that, im tortured for the 30 minute ride to my office.

Her shirt.

HER SHIRT

HER SHIRT!!!!!

THAT TAG NEEDS TO BE TUCKED THE FUCK IN!!!!

Oh, the inhumanity.

Segway

What is your excess?

Inhale.

Let's be honest.  We all have them. Orgasms, Chocolate, the best coke, cuddles, or other various contraband. 

Mine are simple.

Family.
Friends.
Work.
Sex.
Watchable Media.

Those 5 simple things are my crack.. my lifeblood. Now don't get me wrong there are a few other excesses trailing closely behind that kiss that top 5 list.  But the 5 I mentioned are my core.
Honestly, sometimes I wish I could push, "significant other" into the top 5 of that list,  but realistically.. I know my core. My self. THIS IS ME.

Exhales.

. 

Inhales.


It's all pseudo-elated
 I-M-V-U propagated..

In all honesty?
     -Non-existant.
          -As of yet...
When it comes to me and how I feel here..
-I'm taking any bets.

Exhales.
Inhales.

I know it can work. 

I've seen it work a few times over
              
But I've also seen it fail.

So like a puppet on a string I keep my faith becuz im lead from above.

Fuck it.

I'll play the "amicable, forgetful" guy, I do it oh so well... but it's a trap.  Believe it or not, I actually pay attention, and i'm not an idiot.

This is likely true and my ego makes me believe it so 

But until I know for fact.

I'll press my ear to the ground.

So I can hear whats underneath.

Exhales.

Breathes.

My Favorite Poem

Check out Etheridge Knight.. he's the jailhouse version of Pablo Neruda

This one's for Kina

I assume you've watched Crash by now..

That's like the billionth good recommendation from me...

Cher

I am not a fan.

I loved her in The Mask and that one movie with Wynona Ryder but im not a fan.

That being said..

I just read an article about how she donated 100's of thousands of dollars to US Troops for body armor, without any disclosure.

She didn't want to be recognized.

Bless her heart.

I'm very patriotic and American and reading about this made me smile.

Bless her heart.

I am now a fan.

My Nigga

I love it when my best friend thinks about me...  (see her at http://lovestickssweatdrips.blogspot.com.au/)

Really, SB?  REALLY?!

-blesses your heart-

I like it when..

I like it when people take a song i'm crack fiend addicted too and make something special out of it..

Why?

I was charming. I get it.
Now I just want to be left alone.
Take what you know of me and forget it.
Leave me alone.

You know who you are.

(this poem brought to you by "People who are stalkers but don't know it, anonymous")

I'm wise and shit..

Once upon a time I was walking along a road lost in thought.  Contemplating as well as thinking to myself...

"Fuck me in the asshole without any lube, life isnt going so well."

And during this walk, with my head tilted to the sky, I failed to see a hole in the ground.

And I fell in.

I was fucked. Royally fucked.

I screamed and I yelled. I cursed and I cried.

Until a minister walked by.

I beseeched him, "Father, I'm stuck down here, I cannot get out!"

He threw down a prayer.

"Pray your way out"

It didn't work.

"My son!" he said, "i will go to church and pray on your behalf, we will pray you out!"

Nothing happened.

A doctor walked by.

I screamed and I yelled, I cursed and I cried.

He threw down a prescription.

"Medicate your way out."

It didnt work out.

"I'll call an ambulance!" he said.

No one showed up.

And then my friend walked by.  And before I could begin to scream and yell...

She jumped in..

"You dumbass!" I said.

"Now we are both stuck down here!"

"Yes" she said.

"But I've been down here, and I know the way out."

------------

In closing.

Don't be a pussy... if yer bummed about something talk to one of your friends, they've prolly been through the same shit. Or go see a shrink.

 

~This blog post is brought to you by some emo post I saw on IMVU/Facebook/Twitter~

My aim is off

But only on certain things!  I never make a mess while peeing.  Ladies,  its ok for you to sit down on my toilet.

I'm talking about while I work.  I answer a question and then move on to the next one.  However, my browser is setup so that every time I answer a question and move on, I risk the chance clicking of a completely different link.  Here's an example

You have no idea how many times i've gone to "Save and Continue" and ended up with;

Puppies have a funny way of getting into everything don't they?


-edit-

You should have seen the things I had planned on having in the Google Search window when i took that screenshot;

"How to deal with having a massive cock"
"How your awesome can benefit others"
etc etc..

Bapa Roo Missy Poo

I initially was not going to post this because its extremely personal,  but after vetting it with Kina I got brave and decided to go ahead....



My puppy had personality.


I would place her in a saddle bag and carry her around.  SHe would pull sooooooo many bitches
for me,, it was AWESOME... Nare there was a day when I had a dry dick in my pants.  Truth!

Her name was Missy,  I called her Miss Missy or Bapa.  There were a few other nicknames as
dogs always have but thats besides the point.

SHe was a blessing.  She was the sleep to my feet,  the competition to my snores,  the excited off her ass to my homecoming. She was also soooo uber-protective for her tiny little behind.  If i told her to "watch it, Bapa"  she would growl at anyone who came close,  especially if she was pressed to my side in her saddle bag.  If whoever it was, coming close, reached towards me she would growl and attempt to nip at their hand.

Do not fuck with the Missy-poo-Bapa-roo!

I lived with her in an apartment that didnt allow dogs.  so Whenever we would go out,  I'd put her in her bag and tell her to, "get down" and she would.

Fuck, she was awesome.

And although being told to stay in her place she would only stay down there Until we escaped eyesite of the apartment building and until I told her to come up.  And like a flash she would jump on my lap, lean her head out the window, and stick her tongue out.

She was a cute, tiny, sweet dog yet I feel my big, black, scary self was just man enough to pull off the fact I rocked a small dog.

This is all besides the point, this is me just venting beause at the moment, ... ..she's the only bitch to whom I feel comfortable enough to say to.....

I love you.

Happy New Year

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Shouts into Nothingness

I mostly click on my blogs "comments" link cuz im curious if kina or bob said sumthing..  and even moreso if someone new said something..  how exciting would that be?  Akanksha and Monica. tysvm.

Its exciting but pointless.. who the fuck new would bother with my blog?  It's just for my friends, really.  My head should be swollen beyond belief to even consider anyone clicking on a blog-link that spews my nonsense.

Nonetheless, i check it REPEATEDLY everday.

And yet i feel shouldnt be diswayed, i've gotten the most AWESOME compliments on it, ever..

Kina said I am "pretty fucking funny" ..  (best compliment ever, btw)

Bob said I'm profound..  ..  .... and then proved it.  She doesn't know but that was honestly one of the greatest moments of my existence.

Grimtastic said i'm intimate and soulful

Fatima said she wished she could write like me...

A girl i had the hugest fucking crush on for a minute.. read it and said she wondered why i was single.. cuz i was one in a million.. ugh.. fuck you Mandy.. if we ever hook up.. im going to avoid any safe word we setup at least once..

I take that back, two times.. twice. And dont you fucking complain!

It's so funny to me that "Shouts into Nothingness" fucking fits this the name of this blog.


Can you hear me?

The 2nd Chapter

I recently tried to talk to my ex.  She was opposed to any dialogue.

Some people say taking a life is immoral and will never partake in the act of it.  Those people employ others to do so for them.

I love pineapple juice.

Pester, Pester.

I like to dip my penis in milk.. mosty cuz of the thought of a "milk bath",  but secretely cuz i think it reloads my balls.

That SNL bitch.. i never liked her.. until i saw the movie Bridesmaid..  now i love her.

Recent events have me thinking i should be able to pee on a movie usher..  just once.

Kina agrees.

Well i guess it would be nice.. if I could touch yo body... -channels G. Michael-

Google "Vanessa Lake" under the images section. Yeah, you're welcome.  and thank you Bob.

racism stopped bothering me and began making me laugh a long time ago

I hate that I have nothing profound to say.. I mean, I really want to make my mark.. put something down that a person reading it will pause and think about whats said.. but I'm just not that wise, talented, or memorable.  So this is what you get.

I told this ^ to Bob and she said that sometimes I do say profound stuff...  and then she proved it.

I watch a lot of television shows.

Im pretty sure ive mentioned this already,  but I swear the fuck a lot.

Other than orgasms, laughter is my most favorite thing.

Minus the drinking, womanizing, flirting, and emoness (at times),  i think everyone should be like me.

why did MIA give me the middle finger at the superbowl halftime show?  It cant be cuz im a capitalistic American.. she's a rockstar that uses a fucking a cash register sound byte thingie in one of her songs..

My bestfriend has a blog titled, "Asleep at the Wheel".  She doesn't even have a fucking drivers license. True story.

The 10th dentist caved and now all recommend Colgate.

I have an answer for everything.

This is the greatest live male RnB performance, ever.  I dare you to even attempt to prove me otherwise.

Haiku for Todd

I miss my brother

but placing loss in poem

it seems trivial


I do really miss him.. moreso for the monster and my sister than for myself.. but i mean, fuuuuuuck.. having someone yanked from you like that.. I don't wish that on anyone.

Therapy has been helping but...

I really miss my brother.

I thank God for my friends.  I'd be crushed without them.

People are $&%#!'s

I didn't have the greatest Dad.  He was hard and mean and I was probably the only 3rd grader who had to run a mile before school.

I also might have been the only teenager whose dad would, instead of a beating, make me put on gloves and box him in the garage. The session always ended with me on my ass.

HA! I just laughed at my typing, "instead of a beating" like that shits normal.

Thank you, US Army.

Anyways, I will take nothing from him in regards to my dealing with my niece or if Bob finally gives in and lets me impregnate her... I wont be aaaaaanything like him.. cuz ya'see.. my dad, well, he fucking sucked at dealing with kids... Except for just one thing... (that's relevant atm)

He accepted me for who I am.. he didnt care..  just as long as I was awesome at it..  he once told me, "I dont care if you're a bum.. you'll be the best fucking bum there is" and more to the point he said,  "I don't care if you're gay.. you'll be the best homosexual ever and I'll be proud to call you Andrea."

(btw i'm not gay, i crush mad vagina)

So getting to the point..

Fuck you Michelle Bachman, Rick Santorum, and MillionMoms.. you are horrible people!

Let people love who they want to love. You lot are disgusting, despicable, immoral human beings and you should be spat upon by everyone whenever you are in public.  You claim, "positive lifestyle for our children"  what is positive about hate?, you fucking gutless wretches! I feel sorry for the life you lead.. I really do.

Once upon a time I heard my dad talk about how he killed lots of people in the war in vietnam, (dont even get me started on that),  yet he never EVER stooped to your level.  You fucks.

In closing, let people just love each other.

Love > Hate

My Penis

I think too much.  

For instance..  

Females who gripe about boys who are icky and never wash their hands after peeing...  does that allow me the opportunity to laugh at them and then say, "Shh.. Don't trip! I keep a very clean penis, allow me to finger you."

Homosexuals with their penises scare me only because I think some guy might trick me into it one night and I like it waaaay too much.

I read 1 chapter of 1 book and am almost convinced the moon landing never happened.  Not sure what that has to do with my penis but rockets are very phallic so I decided to throw this bit in.

I saw a video of my bestfriends' yard and house.. and I shit you not.. scared the ever loving shit out of me.  I've been shot at, raced motorcycles, dated crazy white woman.. but the Australian "bush".  Fuck that, way to scary.  I've had weird dreams since.  No joke.  I keep thinking that something is going to slink out from that shrubbery unbeknownst to me,  crawl up my pant leg and attach itself to, or heaven forbid crawl into.. that's right, you guessed it, 

My Penis.

Q&A Postscript

Q: Does a leech on your cock count as being sucked off?

A: ?

I hide.

A friend of mine said the most complimentary things about me today i've ever heard of.

I pretended I didn't see it because I didn't know how to respond.

My friends don't all get along with each other but they are all fucking win.

I love them all individually.. and i'm thinking they should all force love each other for my sake.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

They would try and then fail miserably.

Would be hilarious to watch.. but then the headache would assume... so never the fuck mind.

Bitches.

Fuck em.

 

Narcissism

Every now and then I write shit down..   here's a collection.. the title says it all..  (me, me, me!)


Take longer to exhale...

Orgasms are healthy...

guys think about sex a lot.. but i talk about it more than most

i thought about it and came to the very real realization that i'd take a bullet for more than a few people

sometimes i think my obsession with Superman is unhealthy..  then i remember my dad yelling, "HEY SUPERMAN" to get my attention when i was a boy and take that thought right back..

I am horrible at relationships that involve physical intimacy

im fucking funny

I wish it was ok for Americans to say "full stop"

these thoughts im jotting down are very self-centric

who says, "jotting" ?!?!?!

I have 3 awesome friends. all female.. only one of them id have sex with tho.. ok, two.. but she'd never let me

I ignore people when they piss me off

no one knows what they are made of until they are put in a position to find out themselves

why do i like someone who lied to me?

i miss my brother, i miss my dog

Just had sex. Felt great.

Music is still better.

Going dark.

I am not honest with my feelings about certain shit.

I miss my dog.

My PunCTUAtion On SoME of ThEse thOUGHTS are wAY Off.

Once upon a time there was a girl arguing with her sister on the phone while at a gas station.. apparently her sister took money from her purse...  so she was out of gas and stranded.. i overheard her conversation.. hard not to in a small gas station.. soooo i gave her $10 to get home without saying anything to her.. just handed her the money and smiled.. she smiled back at me and gave me thanks.. i walked away.. pretty sure thats the nicest thing ive ever done for a stranger...

^ I totally could have hit that

I turned down a higher paying job cuz ive met the most important people in my life at my current job.. not walking away from that

Blood blood blood...blood is rushing

I love my niece.

I miss my dog.

My oma was an older sister.. my mom is an older sister.. my dad has an older sister..  I have an older sister.. my niece will be an older sister... my sperm is very female orientated.. Bob, here I come.

Im sentimental so I walk in the rain.

One time i peed in a snapple bottle. I honestly hope Kim doesnt mind.

Supermman > Batman

I think I over-important sex.

I can bake like fucking woah.

I use lots of curse words.

I miss my dog.

I miss my brother.

I got so drunk last night i woke up with one sock on.  Not my best drunk moment but better than pissing on a sliding glass door.  Yeah, that happened.

I really miss my brother.

Superman is still better.

I'm weird like that..

A few things about me.. 

I'm half black, half german...  Hitler would be pissed.

I prefer latin bitches

My favorite song at the moment is in French

I'd rather eat Chinese Walnut Shrimp than fuck.

My bestfriends are Australian and Welsh

I'm sure i could add on to the insanity for ages..  but aren't we all weird.. in our own right?

Take a second and think about it..  

I dare you to say otherwise.