My Penis

I think too much.  

For instance..  

Females who gripe about boys who are icky and never wash their hands after peeing...  does that allow me the opportunity to laugh at them and then say, "Shh.. Don't trip! I keep a very clean penis, allow me to finger you."

Homosexuals with their penises scare me only because I think some guy might trick me into it one night and I like it waaaay too much.

I read 1 chapter of 1 book and am almost convinced the moon landing never happened.  Not sure what that has to do with my penis but rockets are very phallic so I decided to throw this bit in.

I saw a video of my bestfriends' yard and house.. and I shit you not.. scared the ever loving shit out of me.  I've been shot at, raced motorcycles, dated crazy white woman.. but the Australian "bush".  Fuck that, way to scary.  I've had weird dreams since.  No joke.  I keep thinking that something is going to slink out from that shrubbery unbeknownst to me,  crawl up my pant leg and attach itself to, or heaven forbid crawl into.. that's right, you guessed it, 

My Penis.

Q&A Postscript

Q: Does a leech on your cock count as being sucked off?

A: ?