My intangible lover

What is it about music that just makes you feel so fucking good? I sleep to it and wake up to it.  I listen to it throughout my day.  It's constantly in my ear and to be honest, I wish I had the ability to thank it properly.  I love you music.  You have been there for me during my break ups, my losses, the times I was on drugs,  and then when I came off of them.  You have soothed me when I had anxiety,  you lifted me when I was down.  I consider you a friend of the most special sort.

Thank you music. I appreciate you in your entirety.

Seriously, check my iPad. If there is a part of you I havent touched upon just let me know.

It will be added and appreciated.

40 years in the desert.

I love being able to say I had a good day because I accomplished greatness. 

Is that selfish?

Does that mean I am speaking of myself?  I know I do it a lot.  I brag and thats horrid.. I know I should stop it but I am a special kind of awesome and people need to know.

See, there I go again.

Let's shelve that and speak on people I love instead.

My rock aka my mommy. 

She dotes and is incredibly good at it. 

Annoyingly so.

Kina my bestfriend whom knows more about me than anyone.

I want to hug her.

Bob whom is fated to accept my seed.

The monster and max.

Max standing up before meeting his first birthday.

Mia saying sorry in the cutest form EVER and getting away with murder when she fucks up.

See here I was about to talk about the most important people in my life and all I could think of was the staccato form of my writing.

What kind of narcissist am I?

Can narcissim be limited to pen on paper?  I don't know.. i love my friends and family.. as does my checking account, but good lord.  It's all about me, me, me.. isn't it?

I am there for my friends. I am good at that. I would bleed or die for them yet my focus in inner thought tends to be limited to my trials and tribulations.

HAHAHAHA.. like im fucking Moses.

I am not.

I should seek help.

This

is

not

natural.

I'm back?

The following is probably going to miss a few "Y"'s.

Damn my keyboard.


I love new relationships and what they entail.  I adore friendships and what they continue to bring to me.  A good friendship is like the herpes of good feelings.  Just when you thought it was gone.. poof!  It's back.  It's the gift that keeps on giving and i love it.  I love Kina.  I love Bob.  I love sobriety.  I love my new relationship.

I don't really have a theme or topic for this rant but I felt the need to write so here I am. Have you ever felt that way? Not horny but you fap anyways?  Me too.

Duck.. i'm a sharpshooter and I aim for the eyes.

So lalalalala.. hahaha.. i'm going to reflect on this and curse myself for it.  This text makes no sense yet here i sit writing away.

Who am I kidding.. this isnt worth putting up on the blog i so neglect.. it will be an errant thought for a few minutes and then forgotten forever.  I am ok with that.  I enjoy the fact that juices other then the man kind got flowing. I still sit scared to make my words public.. but..  I mentioned this to someone so who knows?  It may be placed tomorrow or even the next day.  Doubtful.


So, for today, i sit here, wishing i had courage.